Happy birthday sweet girl: December 10th

December 10^th

Paper work states that my daughter’s birthday is December 10^th. That means that today she is three years old. However, the only reason they set her birthday as the 10^th of December is because that is the day she arrived at the orphanage. The day that her biological mother abandon her. The day her life changed forever. The day she started a harder year than any two year old should bear.

It is difficult to celebrate this day. I want to make such a fuss and have a big party- but today marks one year since her biological mother left her alone. And I cannot imagine how hard it has been for both of them since that day. Last night I held her so close as she fell asleep and told her I loved her so many times. When her biological mother snuggled her tight that last night I am sure she must have been having the largest internal battle within herself.

-Her heart versus her head.

-Starvation with love versus three meals a day with abandonment.

-Never seeing her daughter grow up and get married versus potentially seeing her daughter die in her arms of preventable diseases.

These are struggles no mother should ever have to go through, no less take action on. I do not judge her mother. I cannot begin to think about being in her shoes. I am only thankful that I could be used in Milla’s life to bring peace, love and stability of some sort. Most of all to bring her Jesus. She is such a joy. I know leaving her would be harder than anything I have ever done in my life.

Today we will celebrate her. I blew up some balloons and Naya helped me decided where to put them as well as some pretty streamers. We had some wonderful cousin time. We sang happy birthday to her. On Sunday I will make her Ugandan food and have our usual family dinner and we will eat cake. But it will be quite and calm. This year it just feels like we need to play it a little low key, maybe it is out of respect. I am sure next year will feel different.

I think mostly today reminds me to be less judgmental and more loving. To be more supportive of those that are going through hard times. To mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.

I am so thankful for Miss Milla. I am so happy to be her mother. I am so proud of how resilient and beautiful she is. Her laugh makes everyone smile. Her waddle/walk is the cutest thing you have ever seen. Her singing melts my heart. She is a joy and my greatest blessing. I love you Milla Ssuubi.

Happy birthday baby girl. God renews and restores all things and makes all things beautiful in His time!