Patience...I never asked for that.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

I don't fancy myself an flippant prayer'er.... I know better than to ask the Lord for patience, I learned that a long time ago in my christian walk. 

For refinement, for love, for beauty, for joy, for strength, for grace, for mercy... for all of these I have asked for of late. But for patience- no.

Waiting for the past nine months to be matched with my baby girl has definitely been interesting. Somedays are so easy: praying for her, crafting, learning about Ugandan culture and hair products, reading parenting books, and listening to attachment Webinars . But some days have been hard. Not knowing where she is, who she is, why she isn't with me, if she's sick or lonely or starving or crying... just hard. But day by day, the Lord has gotten me through.

A couple weeks ago i started wondering what was going to happen if my dossier documents started expiring. I have come to realize that all the documents that make up my dossier are expiring one by one starting with today's date. As they expire I must start another paper trail. This consists of getting my paper work re-filled out, re-notarized, notary authentications for each, and re-state sealed. More time, more money, more appointments with my doctor, my hr department at work, the local police department, my landlord, my social service worker...etc. Yes, I knew this could happen; yes, I have seen it happen to other adoptive families; no, there is nothing I could have done differently...but looking at the date January, 11, 2013 and knowing that meant the paper trail must start yet again breaks my heart.

 

"I never asked for patience Lord, why do you insist on making me wait? This is not what I have been asking you for" 

...and then the Word was fresh in my mind: Count it all joy...

ya ya ya, Lord help me to be joyful any way, I know Lord. 

But then the verse continues: Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience (there's that word). And let patience have it's perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing...

Wow, that is what I have been asking for.

I guess I never thought of patience being the vehicle by which the Lord makes us complete (in love, in grace, in strength, in peace, in mercy...in all things I long for). This is something I am still trying to wrap my mind around. But I am thankful for purpose in the waiting. I am thankful that He is doing and even greater work than I know. 

So that is kinda an update. I am learning patience, not well by any means, but prayerfully for sure. I'm asking the Lord for energy to start plugging away at the paper trail once again and to pour in to those around me and fight for the vulnerable people He has already placed in my life.

Still hoping for a match by late January or early February. 

I hope Christmas was so wonderful for you all and that the Lord is shining brightly on you in this new year so far!!

~hugs