Something I never thought I would say: We are homeschooling.

   I have never had a desire to homeschool my children. Not because I am anti homeschool, quite the opposite in fact. I was homeschooled on and off during my childhood and some of my closest friends are indeed homeschool graduates. I do not think homeschool kids are strange or socially awkward or lack opportunity or don’t understand the real world. I just personally have never wanted to. I know my strengths- and teaching my children (scholastically) does not feel like one of them. On top of that our current school has been my safe place for a long time. I graduated from there and loved my high school experience. When I brought Milla home from Uganda that was the only place I felt comfortable putting her. It has been a wonderful fit for many years. 

    But this last year has brought some fun challenges that have led us down a path or rethinking next years education options. Mike was off with a knee injury for a while which squeezed us a bit financially. There is a potential that he might need surgery which would once again put us in a very tight financial window- just one factor we have been considering. 

Another is, as Milla and her peers get older there is a vast difference at this age of what kids are allowed to watch/read. At least twice a week for the past year Milla will come home talking about the latest thing she heard from her peers and doesn’t quite understand. While I have tried to be open and honest and explain things the best I could there have definitely been conversations that I wished we weren’t having and subjects that I really wish she wasn’t being exposed to at this young of an age- factor number two. 

Another thing that has been heavy on my heart is how fast time goes in our home. The kids are gone all day, then they come home, I help both girls with homework, Milla has swim, we eat, shower and get ready for bed. I try to sneak play time in there and time to connect but so many days I am just running as soon as they come through the door. It makes my heart sad to think that June and Willian have to live at that fast pace at such a young age. I also think of how I literally have two more years with Milla being a “kid” before she enters high school. I really want these seeming insignificant moments to count. I want to pour into her more and slow down with her more. We have always talked about doing a family missions trip or volunteering more together to help those in need, but we rarely find the time in our crazy lives. Time is going to slip away from me. It already has. 

    So Mike and I prayed hard about the idea of homeschooling and decided to give it a try next year! I know it has to be from the Lord because 1) I have never wanted to and 2) most of my best life decisions have seemed like crazy ones. We all have reservations about it, but I am praying that it turns out to be one of the best decisions we have made for our family. The Scripture verse that keeps coming to mind is “The entrance of Your Word gives light. It brings understanding to the simple” (Psalm 119:130). My prayer is that as the Word and Holy Spirit fills our home and our time together that He will bring understating to each of us. For me- how to homeschool hahaha. For the girls- visions for their future and understanding in to who they are in Christ. For all of us- how our family can better be used for His glory. 

    We could use allllll the prayers! Also if any of you reading this have gone through Mission Vista Academy and have tips on curriculum I would love to hear your thoughts! Newbie here, totally humbled and starting from scratch- but so excited to see what we build this year! But really, this could explode and we will all go down in flames soooo pray for us please!

The Garden

      My family and I were recently able to visit Israel as part of my parents 50th wedding anniversary trip. Being able to be there with my whole family was such an amazing experience (and that is 1000% an understatement). While we were there we spent a long morning in the Garden of Gethsemane. The first part of the morning was spent listening to my parents renew their wedding vows to one another. To have a memory like that in a place where Jesus often went with his disciples is so special and something I will never forget. 

   

The second part of the morning was spent in solemn remembrance of  the night Jesus was betrayed before He went to the cross. We spent some time in the church on the grounds and then wandered about. I was overwhelmed by grief as we silently walked. I know I could never understand the turmoil Jesus was going through that night, but it was like the Holy Spirit gave me a glimpse of Him for a moment. I did not know how to describe it or exactly what it was I was feeling, but I knew I never wanted anyone I loved to feel like that. Then I turned to Jesus, let tears roll down my face and I just silently apologized to Him. I often apologize for my sins and short comings- but this was different... 

This was wanting to reach out and hold the hand of the One I loved during His suffering. 

It was empathy for a Friend who was struck by grief. 

It was wanting to wrap my arms around Him and shield Him from that emotional harm and pain.

It was wishing I could look into His eyes at that moment and say "I am your bride- part of the reward of Your suffering, and I am so very thankful for what you are doing for me".

I understand that is not the way the story goes. He had to die so we could live. But sometimes we let that pain feel too distant. We thank Him at an arms length for His suffering and then we go on with our day as we wait for the joy Easter Sunday. 

I think feeling that sorrow is good for us though. When we turn on a light in a dark house, doesn't that light seem brighter than when we turn on a light during the day? When someone is healed from cancer doesn't that hit different then when someone is healed from a paper cut? Our sin is darkness, it is cancer... and now we are healed because this Man- our God walked through this pain and suffering. Yes to ultimately defeat death and render the grave powerless... but first He suffered. 

So, I remember Your suffering Jesus. I do not know what it must have felt like, but I want to say thank you. The weight that I am yours because of it is not lost on me. I am the reward of Your suffering and I am so grateful. 

Born That Men No More May Die

 On Sunday at church we sang the familiar Christmas carol "Hark! the Harold Angel Sing". I love Christmas carols, Christmas time, celebrating Jesus birth, remembering that He loves us so much He came down to be one of us, to save us... like seriously LOVE it all! So I adore singing Christmas carols at any time! But on Sunday I sang this verse and burst in to tears- unable to finish the song. 

"Mild He lay His glory by, born that men no more may die." 

Isn't our world so full of death lately. Death of the body, death of joy, death of hope, death of common decency and love. Just seems like there is more dying than living right now.

 But guess what?! that is why Jesus came. So that we could live in death no longer.
So we could be free to live life abundantly!
And yes when death does come (as it will to each of us), He was born so even that pain would not be felt. He is life. He is hope. He is with us. 

He took off His glory to share in our sufferings so that death could not be a threat to us any more. 
How beautiful is that truth? I know Covid, sickness and disease have rocked all of our worlds. Some have lost loved ones, some have lost jobs, some have lost who they are... but let's remind ourselves that there is hope beyond death, beyond suffering, beyond hurt. He wanted to make sure we knew that. He gave up His glory and His life to ensure there was more than just this. 

Take a minute and soak that deep into your souls this Christmas. Immanuel, God is with us. And not just with us- but our savior who conquered sin and death for us.
Born that men no more may die.

Merry Christmas
~rose

no answers, only hope. {thoughts on when God says "no"}

I wanted to write this during the “sorrows” that last for a night, before the “joy that comes in the morning”. So often my go to is to share things with others once I have them figured out and once we are on the other side of the problem. But, God is so present during the valley’s and shadow’s that it would be silly not to share.

Sometimes God says no.

Sometimes He does not open doors that we knock on. Even doors that He has led us to.

So crazy right? Why? Honestly, I do not know the exacts of His actions.

Why would our match with our little moon have gotten taken away a year ago? Why would God

allow me to miscarry in December? Why wouldn’t God just send someone to help us obtain the paperwork we needed to bring out little girl home from India? Why is she stuck there without us? Wouldn’t it be so much better if she were home?

I do not know the answers. And it is hard to not know. It is hard to feel sadness. It is so stressful to work strenuously and have the obstacle remain unmoved.

Sometimes my mind says, “couldn’t God just act?”.

And the answer is “yes, of course He could. He is God. There is no other and no one can stand against Him.” And then I feel a bit forsaken if I am just being honest and raw. My faith in Him is un-wavered but His love for me seems distant. And this state could lead to anger, depression, apathy…

But thank God for His grace and mercy that tethers my wandering heart to His own. He reminds me of the cross. Of His pain and agony that He endured just to call me His own. I cannot feel unloved by Him when all my life He has been love to me.  I came home from India to a new song on the radio called “The Blessing” and every time it has come on it has wrecked me. Like seriously- Holy Spirit falls and I sob and weep at the truth that God is for me. That gentle reminder has brought my heart back to life. That He has walked with me, my parents, my grandparents and their parents- and He will continue to be faithful to my children and their children, and their children. Because He loves me. And He loves to love His children.

Our God has a plan. I am part of His masterpiece. Sometimes that looks like pain and tragedy, but every composition needs both high and low notes to create a beautiful symphony. There are more high notes to come. How can I accept all the good the Lord has done for me, but not accept hardship as well (paraphrased from Job). Am I somehow above hurt and heartache? No, in fact Jesus tells us we will have trials in the world. Very often we see heroes of ours go through deep waters and hot fires. Some come out unscathed, some are burned- but they all hold on to what is true: Christ. He is what is getting me and my family through this. He is why we will not stop rejoicing. He is why I will have joy and sing- during the shadows, during the night.

As Pastor Brian reminded me on Sunday as he spoke about Moses’ mother, “Entrust your kids into God’s care. Your children are only yours on loan, trust God with your child and show your faith by making a little arc and floating your child in the reeds of the Nile when He asks you to.” I am sure Moses’ mother looked strange and crazy when she placed her son into that basket, but God saw and directed. And that mother’s faith and act saved the Jewish nation. I want to be that mother. I have one daughter in my home, a son that will only ever be in my heart who we cannot adopt, a baby in heaven and a daughter in India who I cannot bring home… God give me faith and strength to place each of these in Your basket and float all of these children in the reeds. I am thankful they are Yours and You are their Keeper, Father and Protector. I humbly proclaim that I do not know more than you. And while I have soaked my pillow in tears and cried out to You in frustration- I do indeed believe that You know what is best. And I trust You. Thank You for the grace that reminds me there is more than I can see and more than I will ever know going on. Use our trials for your Kingdom and to bring You so much glory because You deserve all the love, praise and adoration that can fill an entire universe. I am so thankful l am Yours and that You are for me and my children, and their children, and their children {no matter where those children might be}.

Waiting.Stuck.Praying.Hopeful.

Hello from New Delhi where we are also quarantined in our hotel room just like everyone back at home.

After we took our daughter to court on the 16th and received verbal confirmation that she is our daughter!! {huge beautiful victory, the judge said we were well suited for her & that i was a fit mother for this girl which the nun was very surprised about because she had never heard this judge speak so highly about a family}. Our agency wanted us to leave India a few days after. Of course we were hopeful to get our daughters written orders before leaving and bring her home with us. Turns out we were not allowed to leave her state until our agency sent us a letter of necessity (kind of crazy but cool because we were hoping to petition the court once again before we were pressured to leave anyway!). So we went once again to court... which had closed the day after our hearing. The judge happened to be there so I pleaded that she give us our written order due to the emergency state of our world and us needing to come home. She said she “could not” {absolute lie} and I had to leave.
Our agency gave us train tickets for the 20th so we spent the last few moments bonding with our girl and soaking her up. I even purchased plane tickets home. But after speaking with mike and praying we decided to cancel our plane tickets for the 22nd and try to appeal to the US Embassy and the Central Adoption Agency for India in person in New Delhi to take our girl home.
We left our baby girl with pain but do hopeful that we would See miracles once in Delhi and be with her soon.

We arrived in Delhi to find our normal shopping areas closed as well as the ATM machines we knew of. Our hotel restaurant was no longer allowing meals together but rather only offering room service. After a long evening of searching for essentials (peanut butter, stuff to make a laundry line, and coffee you just add water to...) I was tired and discouraged. Then we listened to the address from the US about needing to come home if you were abroad I told Mike I was done. I was tired. I had been fighting battles on all sides this week and now I was weary {there is too much to share but even those who should have been “for us” have either been against us or verryyyy unhelpful.} I told him that if we woke up in the morning and Kiran’s court was closed and there were flights available then we need to book one.
We woke up this morning.
Kiran’s court is closed till the 30th.
There are no flights in or out of India until the 30th.
I would have thrown in the towel and God in His sovereignty would not let me. I praise Him for that.
There is some fear knowing we are stuck here but there is also so much peace knowing I do not have to decide if we should give up and leave.
We drove to the people who could help us today and everything is closed till Monday.
So literally all we can do  is pray till Monday.
And then we will fight again. God has to move someone’s heart somehow to do something to help us.
With the court closed there supposedly is nothing anyone can do at all to help. But I refuse to believe that. We have everything we need in order to adopt this child but this one woman’s signature. Does that seem literally insane to anyone else?!
Pray with us. Praise with us. Hope with us. Until we cannot do any more.
“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10-12‬ ‭
Thank you ALL for your encouragement & love & prayers for us!!! We are so thankful for each word of love!!! You are fighting alongside us and we know the Lord hears us!

leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when we'll be back again...

Leaving on a Jet plane, we don’t know when we’ll be back again.

Truer words were never sung. Today we leave for India (Mike, Milla & I) to meet our little ray of light!

We are so extremely excited. It really doesn’t even feel real to be honest.

But while the past couple weeks since we found out when we would be traveling have been filled with so much joy and excitement it has also been met with so many unknowns.

Will we get to bring our little girl home this trip?

-I don’t know.

Will we get stuck or quarantined in India for a long period of time due to the corona virus?

-I don’t know.

Will the judge rule in or favor or will we have to keep going ba

ck for more and more court hearings?

-I don’t know.

Will we find any hand sanitizer to bring on the trip.

-nope. (hahahaha, luckily we had some left over around the house to bring!).

SOOOOO many unknowns. I found myself being overcome with fears, which is not normal for me. Probably trying to control, somehow, this increasingly stressful time. Isaiah 41 got me through these last couple of weeks. I will be continue to mediate on it’s every word as we go.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

¹¹ “All who rage against you
    will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
    will be as nothing and perish.
¹² Though you search for your enemies,
    you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
    will be as nothing at all.
¹³ For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you. {Isaiah 41:10-13}

I was reminded of David before he fought Goliath. He did not know the outcome, King Saul did not know the outcome, the Israelites did not know the outcome. How scary to be a young boy standing up to a giant. But he was just being obedient. Just being faithful to the call he heard from the Lord. And he saw the Lords mighty hand defend him and work miraculously. Milla, Mike and I talked about that around the table the other day and it brought so much peace. Knowing that He has called us right now to go get our daughter. In the midst of unknowns and sickness and disease. When flights are getting canceled and PPE (personal protective equipment) is hard to come by. When it doesn’t make sense to pull our daughter out of school for an unknown amount of time. When there are literally question marks and puzzles popping up every day that seem to be huge and overwhelming… He has called us at such a time as this.

And so, we go.

We are excited to see what this will mean. There will be beauty in whatever circumstances we land in because it will be right where God wants us to be. We are praying we see giants fall and mountains moved. We are praying so much that we get to bring our sweet girl home. Please pray with us. For favor, for health, for bonding, for joy, for peace, for more of Jesus as we fly across the globe. Love did so much to call us His own, we are thankful for the little we get to do to share that Love with others.

We are so thankful for each of you. Our community as been such a huge support to us these past two years. Thank you from the depth of our hearts.

Our Ray of Light {it's a girl}

We have exciting news!

After a long wait we now know we are just steps away from bringing home a sweet two year old little girl from India! This adoption has been full of up’s and down’s and uncertainties,  but we are so thankful to be walking down this path and through this open door.

Her Indian name means “ray of light” which is exactly what news about this little darling has been to us these past few months. She has big brown eyes and the most kissable little lips, her ears are already pierced and she is wearing anklets and bangles in her videos and pictures. From what we have heard she is very dearly loved.

When she was brought to the orphanage she was sick and very unresponsive to cares. The nuns caring for her thought they would just be doing their best to make her comfortable till she passed. But God had other plans for this baby girl. The nuns quickly fell in love with her and they made it a point to given her special attention and to have someone praying for her around the clock. Day by day she grew stronger and became more and more responsive to their love and care. They now call her their little miracle.

When my agency was telling me this history and about her story, the song Rescue by Lauren Daigle was playing in the background. Tears filled my eyes and I just felt the Lord saying “I have rescued her”. He was there for her from day one and He fought for her and rescued this tiny human that the world probably would call insignificant. But she is not insignificant to Him. He reached down and saved her. And even if Mike and I were not adopting her- I have no doubt that God would do great things in and through her life. I am not her savior, healer, rescuer… but she has one and His name is Jesus.

{I will put some of the lyrics below for you to read. If you haven’t listened to this song please turn it on! When you hear it pray for our little ray of light}

Pray for us as we await a court date and then make travel plans. It could be next month or six months

from now, but you better believe this mama is on her face praying it is so soon. I want to hold this baby girl in my arms. Milla is over the moon excited. She has already gotten out her old 2-year-old clothes and started to go through them. She is “big sister’ing” it to the max and it is the sweetest thing. She is going to be an amazing big sis.

Please pray for:
~Health and safety for our girl

~Finances for travel

~A court date that is in the very near future and the ability to travel to bring her home soon.

We are so excited and so thankful for each of you as you have been praying for us and encouraging us! We feel so very blessed by each one of you. We will keep you posted as new travel plans come!!! Eeekkk!!!

{Some of the lyrics from Rescue}

There is no distance

That cannot be covered

Over and over

You’re not defenseless

I’ll be your shelter

I’ll be your armor

I will send out an army to find you

In the middle of the darkest night

It’s true, I will rescue you.

I will never stop marching to reach you

In the middle of the hardest fight

It’s true, I will rescue you.

{these lyrics remind me of my little girl, but they are for each one of us too}