The Garden

      My family and I were recently able to visit Israel as part of my parents 50th wedding anniversary trip. Being able to be there with my whole family was such an amazing experience (and that is 1000% an understatement). While we were there we spent a long morning in the Garden of Gethsemane. The first part of the morning was spent listening to my parents renew their wedding vows to one another. To have a memory like that in a place where Jesus often went with his disciples is so special and something I will never forget. 

   

The second part of the morning was spent in solemn remembrance of  the night Jesus was betrayed before He went to the cross. We spent some time in the church on the grounds and then wandered about. I was overwhelmed by grief as we silently walked. I know I could never understand the turmoil Jesus was going through that night, but it was like the Holy Spirit gave me a glimpse of Him for a moment. I did not know how to describe it or exactly what it was I was feeling, but I knew I never wanted anyone I loved to feel like that. Then I turned to Jesus, let tears roll down my face and I just silently apologized to Him. I often apologize for my sins and short comings- but this was different... 

This was wanting to reach out and hold the hand of the One I loved during His suffering. 

It was empathy for a Friend who was struck by grief. 

It was wanting to wrap my arms around Him and shield Him from that emotional harm and pain.

It was wishing I could look into His eyes at that moment and say "I am your bride- part of the reward of Your suffering, and I am so very thankful for what you are doing for me".

I understand that is not the way the story goes. He had to die so we could live. But sometimes we let that pain feel too distant. We thank Him at an arms length for His suffering and then we go on with our day as we wait for the joy Easter Sunday. 

I think feeling that sorrow is good for us though. When we turn on a light in a dark house, doesn't that light seem brighter than when we turn on a light during the day? When someone is healed from cancer doesn't that hit different then when someone is healed from a paper cut? Our sin is darkness, it is cancer... and now we are healed because this Man- our God walked through this pain and suffering. Yes to ultimately defeat death and render the grave powerless... but first He suffered. 

So, I remember Your suffering Jesus. I do not know what it must have felt like, but I want to say thank you. The weight that I am yours because of it is not lost on me. I am the reward of Your suffering and I am so grateful.