{32}

It seems like so much of my 20’s and even the start of my 30’s were filled with these questions: Where? Who? When? Why?...etc. But in this last year of life what I asked more often was: How?  Sure, the other questions were in there too, but more often than not- “How” was the question that resonated in my heart.

How do I become a gracious and submissive wife? How do I raise Milla to the glory of God? How do I keep a house and work full time and take care of my family? How do I have a global and missional mindset when I live here in Murrieta? How do I fit in quiet times to crazy schedules? How do I fit in sleep or exercise? How do I reach my community with God’s love? How am I suppose to be intentional towards my relationships with family/friends/neighbors? Anyone else ask these questions to themselves?

“HOW” has been overwhelming. And more often than not, I have looked to the “how” and become buried underneath it’s weight rather than looking at the “Who” that stands behind all of these gifts. The Lord has given me so much. I am blessed beyond my imagination with the way the Lord has dealt with me. And yet I think that I look to His blessings and become overwhelmed by how to wield them most appropriately. And honestly, I didn’t notice till I was thinking back on this year just today.

What I need is the Spirit. That is all. I need to look to the “Who” and not the “How”. God stands behind me and before me. Nothing is impossible with Him. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives inside me. I need His Spirit to breathe life into me, my family, my home, my ministry, my work, my passions…Like a rushing wind. So reallllly there is only one really important “how” that needs to be answered: How do I spend more time sitting in the presence of the Lord? Life flows from His throne room. Nothing else matters, all else will fall in to place if only I sit staring in to His beautiful face.

So this is my challenge for year 32. To look deeply into the eyes of the “Who” and stop the exhaustion of trying to dissect the “how”.

Who is with me?!?

We sang this song at church today and it is a perfect anthem for this next year of life:

I Surrender

Here I am,Down on my knees again

Surrendering allSurrendering allFind me here, Lord as you draw me nearI'm desperate for youI'm desperate for you
Drench my soulAs mercy and grace unfoldI hunger and thirstI hunger and thirstWith arms stretched wideI know you hear my crySpeak to me nowSpeak to me now
I want to know you more I want to know you more
Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have your way
Lord have your way in me
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have your way
Lord have your way in me

I surrender I surrender

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcnfT4arZtI